The Story of For Better & For Ever ®

                        The Story of For Better & For Ever ®

 by Rob Ruhnke                                                                                              [updated 9-28-2025]

1974. For Better & For Ever ® began as an experiment to create a marriage preparation program for the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston that would replace the inadequate diocesan Pre Cana program.  By 1980, feedback from sponsor couples and engaged couples convinced me that what began as an effort to provide a “better-than-PreCana” program for couples who could not “fit” into our diocesan Engaged Encounter weekends was better than the Engaged Encounter program. 

1980.  Rodger Marchand (of Liguori Publications) and I talked about the success of For Better & For Ever ® and he offered to initiate an effort to have it published by Liguori Publications.  This was completed in 1981, with the Spanish edition following a few years later.   

1989.  For Better & For Ever ® was updated to incorporate “family of origin” as a special area for couples to address during the time of marriage preparation.  To my knowledge, For Better & For Ever ® was the first marriage preparation program to adequately address this topic.    

1994.  By the mid-1990s, For Better & For Ever ® was selling so well that Liguori Publications was not planning an update for it.  My ongoing research indicated that For Better & For Ever ® should be re-designed to address pastoral needs that marriage preparation programs had never tried to deal with.   Our re-design resulted in a new book and a new publishing company and web site.

• A NEW BOOK.  In 1998, For Better & For Ever ® was re-designed to meet critical pastoral needs:
   
  • 1 - Pastors and folks involved in ministry to engaged couples were frustrated with couples seeking marriage in the Church who knew far too little about their Catholic Faith and lacked the skills needed to establish healthy/holy marriage.  After decades of trying to design an adequate marriage preparation program, it became clear to me that we needed to put the appropriate Church teaching and proven communication skills into a workbook that couples could use for personal discernment about the Vocation of marriage and do Homework together by which they would learn-by-practice the communication skills needed for effective dialogue with their partner, and for taking part meetings with a sponsor couple.  Developing a suitable and concise text required years of writing and engaging in discussions with numerous sponsor couples. We also made use of the research of Creighton University that became available in 1995: Marriage Preparation In the Catholic Church: Getting It Right.
     
  • 2 - In addition, follow-up with the newly married couple beyond the wedding ceremony was designed into For Better & For Ever ® (no other marriage preparation program was doing this even though Canon Law was informing us of the importance of ministry to newly married couples).
     
• THE For Better & For Ever ® PUBLISHING COMPANY & WEBSITE:
   
  • #1 – For Better & For Ever.com is an internet site that provides information about For Better & For Ever ®, and how to get assistance in setting up the use of For Better & For Ever ® and train sponsor couples in parishes and dioceses.
     
  • #2 – It also provides answers to questions, such as, how to get married in the Catholic Church if they are divorced, how to know whether they need an annulment, how to get help with the annulment process, information about marriage preparation, communication skills, natural family planning, Christian marriage, etc.  The web site directs people to contact our Resource Team members by phone or email with their questions.  It is a modern tool of evangelization that enables people to “safely” seek assistance when they have minimal connection with their parish or fear that their questions might not be welcome!

2002.  We produced Video Training materials in 2002.  But we have replaced the videos with much better Zoom Training that is available to every couple who requests our assistance.  This Zoom is complimentary.

2009. Our Newsletter was begun in an effort to communicate directly with sponsor couples to help with on-going formation of sponsor couples.

2009. The US Bishops’ Pastoral on marriage, Marriage, Love and Life in the Divine Plan (2009) called for marriage preparation programs to include relevant theology and doctrine from Vatican Council II and affirmed the value of using sponsor couples for marriage preparation.  These directives had already been incorporated into For Better & For Ever ®.

2016. Since 2013, Pope Francis has been the most articulate Catholic leader promoting the use of Sponsor Couples to accompany those preparing for the Vocation of Matrimony and following up with them into the early year(s) of their marriage and family life.  His book Amoris Laetitia promotes the use of Sponsor Couples.  For Better & For Ever ® has more than 40 years of experience in training couples to provide kind of marriage preparation.

2019. When Covid-19 shut down traveling to do face to face training of Sponsor Couples, it created the opportunity to make use of ZOOM for training.  Zoom training has made it possible to assign HOMEWORK for prospective sponsor couples to complete before they register for a Zoom training.  Training by Zoom is an experience of LISTENING to couples share “What did you learn from your EXPERIENCE of DIALOGUE while doing the HOMEWORK”.  This sharing helps couples clarify their role as WITNESS & LEARNERS OF MARRIAGE (rather than “experts”).  Their role is to guide those preparing for marriage to do their own HOMEWORK and DIALOGUE with their partner and then share with their Sponsor Couple what they are learning as they prepare for marriage.  So, both the Sponsor Couples and those preparing for marriage share what they are LEARNING.  Sponsor Couples are taught to be LISTENERS, who then deepen dialogue by asking “Can you share more about that!” (vs. giving “answers” to questions”).  Training by Zoom takes less than 2 hours. Everyone appreciates this briefer format.

2022. Dialogue with Retrouvaille couples confirms the critical value of DIALOGUE and how dialogue invariably leads to dealing with Family of Origin issues.  While most marriage preparation programs affirm the use of DIALOGUE, there is little evidence that married couples are making use of DAILY DIALOGUE learned during their experience of marriage preparation.  For Better & For Ever ® training continues to make DIALOGUE central to the training of sponsor couples.  We are collaborating with Retrouvaille couples to motivate Sponsor Couples to practice DIALOGUE DAILY as the single irreplaceable skill for sustaining healthy marriage and family life.

Key Benefits of For Better & For Ever ®:

• The couple-to-couple approach can adapt to the needs/culture of each individual couple.
• Non-Threatening, “homey” atmosphere.  Meetings are in the home of the Sponsor Couple or on Zoom (during Covid-19 or when dealing with couples living in different cities or countries).
• Often highlights Issues which the engaged couple have not yet discussed and/or provides a safe forum for deeper discussion of key Issues with sponsor couples who accompany them rather than “tell them what to do”.
• Marriage enrichment for the Sponsor Couple. Sponsor Couples say, “We benefit even more than the engaged couples do!”
• Great way to do ministry as a married couple without needing to leave home.
• Children of the Sponsor Couple get to see their parents “serving the needs of others.”
• For Better & For Ever ® includes a follow-up beyond the wedding, so newly married couples are supported through the early year(s) of marriage.
• Training & enrichment of Sponsor Couples on ZOOM is a complimentary service of For Better & For Ever ®.