Story of For Better & For Ever ™

by Robert A. Ruhnke               [update April 28, 2024]

1974. For Better and For Ever ™ began as an experiment to replace the diocesan Pre Cana program ~ which I judged inadequate ~ in the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston.  By 1980, feedback from Sponsor Couple ™ ministry teams and engaged couples had convinced me that what began as an effort to provide a “better-than-PreCana” program for couples who could not “fit” into our diocesan Engaged Encounter weekends was better than the Engaged Encounter program. 

1980.  Rodger Marchand at Liguori Publications and I talked about the advantages of For Better & For Ever ™ and he offered to initiate an effort to have it published by Liguori Publications.  This was accomplished in 1981 and a couple of years later the Spanish edition was published.    

1989.  For Better & For Ever ™ was up-dated to incorporate “Family of Origin” as a special area for couples to address during marriage preparation.  For Better & For Ever ™ was the first marriage preparation program that gave significant attention to this most important topic.   

1994.  By the mid-1990s, For Better & For Ever ™ was selling so well that no one at Liguori Publications though it needed up-dating.  However, my ongoing research convinced me that For Better & For Ever ™ should be re-designed to address pastoral needs that marriage preparation programs were not yet dealing with.  The re-design resulted in a new book and a web site.

• A NEW BOOK.  By 1998, For Better & For Ever ™ had been re-designed to address critical pastoral needs:  1 - Pastors and folks involved in ministry to engaged couples were frustrated with couples seeking marriage in the Church who knew far too little about their Catholic Faith and the realities of marriage.  It became clear to me that we needed to put content/teaching into a workbook for couples to study and then do homework to share in dialogue with their partner.  Then they would share what they were learning during the Sponsor Couple ™ sessions.  Years of writing and dialogue with Sponsor Couple ™ ministry teams produced a text that was “adequate, but as brief as possible".  2 - In addition, follow-up with the newly married couple beyond the wedding was designed into For Better & For Ever ™ .  We know today this is an essential element of effective ministry to newly married couples.

• A WEB SITE.  A “place” where people can go to get answers to their questions about marriage preparation & marriage in the Catholic Church.  The web site www.marriagepreparation.com  began as a way to provide additional information about For Better & For Ever ™ and make myself available to dioceses/parishes to set up the use of For Better & For Ever ™ and promote Sponsor Couple ™ Training.  It has become much more than that because it provides lots of information and web links so we don’t have to try to put everything in the book.  It is also a free service to anyone who needs information about marriage preparation, annulments, etc.  It also invites people to contact me directly with their questions if the answer is not already on the web site.   It became the main “store front” when Liguori Publications opted out of publishing the 1998 edition.

1998. The For Better & For Ever ™ publication company was established to publish the materials, manage orders and respond to requests for Sponsor Couple ™ Training.  New editions have been added: A Christian (Protestant) edition in English and Spanish, a Covenant (“secular”) edition in English, the Catholic edition is available in English, Spanish, Vietnamese and French. 

2009. The Newsletter was begun to communicate directly with Sponsor Couple ™ ministry teams. 

2020. Covid-19 shut down face to face Sponsor Couple ™ training, but created the opportunity to use ZOOM for training.  Zoom training begins with HOMEWORK to be completed before couples register for a Zoom training.  This has resulted in Zoom Training that can be done in just 2 hours.

2020. People in Lithuania are working on a Lithuanian edition.  Folks in Lebanon have completed the production of an Arabic edition.

2022. Dialogue with Retrouvaille couples has confirmed the critical value of DIALOGUE and how dialogue invariably leads to dealing with Family of Origin issues.  While most marriage preparation programs promote dialogue, there is little evidence that most married couples are making use of DAILY DIALOGUE.  For Better & For Ever ™ training is now making Dialogue central to the training experience.  We are collaborating with Retrouvaille couples to motivate Sponsor Couple ™ ministry teams to practice DAILY DIALOGUE as the irreplaceable foundation of healthy marriage and family life.

2022. Pope Francis directs the Dicastry for Laity, Family and Life to develop “Catechumenal Pathways for Marriage”(2022) which include these key elements:

1. Remote preparation for marriage & family life begins with Parenting programs that teach parents healthy relationship skills their kids will learn by following their example.  Then JrHi and SrHi programs to help young people practice effective communication skills for us in discerning their Life Journey.
2. Proximate marriage preparation helps Dating Couples discerning marriage to dialogue and share about their families of origin to learn intimacy skills before getting engaged to marry.
3. Immediate marriage preparation makes use of a Sponsor Couple ™ ministry team willing to share their own marriage & family life with those preparing for marriage, and follow-up with them through the early years of their marriage.

For Better & For Ever ™ is the most widely used program of its kind.

Key Benefits:

• The couple-to-couple approach can adapt to the needs/culture of each individual couple.
• Non-Threatening, “homey” atmosphere.   The Sponsor Couple ™ sessions are in the home of the Sponsors.
• Often highlights Issues which the engaged couple have not yet discussed and/or provides a safe forum for deeper discussion of key Issues.
• Marriage enrichment for the Sponsor Couple ™ ministry teams who say, “We benefit even more than the engaged couples do!”
• Great way to do ministry as a married couple without needing to leave home.
• Children of the Sponsor Couple ™ ministry teams get to see their parents “serving the needs of others.”
• For Better & For Ever ™ includes a follow-up beyond the wedding, so newly married couples are supported through the early year(s) of marriage.
• Training & enrichment of Sponsor Couple ™ ministry teams on ZOOM is a complimentary service of For Better & For Ever ™ .