For Better & For Ever ™ - Designed for dating couples.

In 1986, I imagined a couple coming to my office and telling me that they were thinking about marriage, but they were concerned because they had witnessed couples they knew get engaged and moved along into marriages that failed because they never did a serious evaluation of whether they had developed the skills needed for life long marriage.  As I listened to them, I was pleased to hear them articulate their concerns, and then they asked: “What do you recommend we study so that we can learn whether we are good candidates for marriage or learn we are not ready for the challenges of marriage and family life?”  I thought to myself, that is the right question!  However, the book that answers their questions has never been written.  That is when I began writing a new edition of For Better & For Ever ™. 

1 – It had to include all the topics that married couples have to deal with.  At the same time the book had to be short enough and the language needed to simple enough that couples would read and understand it.  For Better & For Ever ™ is now 21 Chapters (231 pages).  Each chapter is usually no more than 4 pages followed by open-ended questions which can be answered very briefly or allow for quite extended answers.  This design “works” well for couples who are highly educated and equally well for those who have limited formal education.  In addition, there is much more content on the website > https://marriagepreparation.com  for those who are looking for additional information and resources.   

2 – Family of Origin is a huge topic that is dealt with in Chapters 2,3,4 & 5.  Family therapists know that marriage and family problems almost ALWAYS trace back to the inability to identify and effectively communicate about differences (“The right way to prepare any food!”) and problems (any kind of abuse) that took place in each person’s Family of Origin when he/she was growing up.  When couples are trying to decide whether they are good candidate for marriage, For Better & For Ever ™ can help them with questions about their Family of Origin so they can be proactive in sharing and listening to very personal experiences (“family secrets”) that most couples never learn to deal with effectively with one another.  These "family secrets", not only never go away, but fester like a cancer that can eventually destroy the marriage.  Dating couples can learn that the decision to be vulnerable in dialogue with one another is an effective intimacy skill that can help them deal important differences and difficult family secrets and develop a healthy relationship in spite of these Family of Origin issues. 

3 - For Better & For Ever ™ teaches the definition of Matrimony by using language and concepts that are ecumenical and able to be understood without schooling in technical, theological language.  Many people who use For Better & For Ever ™ are not members of the Catholic Church (interchurch & interfaith marriage).  Also, many Catholics have a minimal understanding of Catholic theological terms ~ such as, “sanctifying grace”, “sacrament.”  Chapters 7, 11, 12, 14 present the reality of Christian marriage and family spirituality in simple concepts most everyone can understand.  Chapter 14 on Prayer, for example, teaches couples how to pray as a couple and encourages them to begin this practice while they are dating.

4 - For Better & For Ever ™ addresses these key topics:

• Money Matters & Career Planning (Chapter 8) by offering an extensive dialogue on financial planning.
• Marital Communication & Problem Solving (Chapters 9 & 10) by teaching about the process of Dialogue.
• Family Planning (Chapter 15) by encouraging couples to become personally informed about family planning and especially natural methods of family planning so they can make the best decisions about family planning as a couple.
• Making Decisions of Conscience (Chapter 16), Creating a healthy Stepfamily (Chapter 17), Writing a Pre-Marital Covenant (Chapter 20).

As the two of you make your way through the Chapters and Questions of For Better & For Ever ™ you will be writing and sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings and discovering much more about one another.  Honest dialogue may help you see more clearly important differences that are not compatible with life long marriage.  This may be painful to learn, but now is the time learn this when you can put your relationship on hold or even end it.  Or you dialogue on the questions of For Better & For Ever ™ may help you decide that getting engaged is next decision to make.  Then you can contact your parish about getting the support of their Sponsor Couple ™ Ministry Team.

If you want to talk more about this, you are welcome to call me at 210-557-3660 or leave feedback on this form > Feedback about For Better & For Ever ™

[update Sept 8, 2023]