Family of Origin

Every dating/engaged couple is hoping to establish a marriage that is at least as good as or even better than the family in which they grew up. Why is the failure rate so high?

Juan and Marci got copies of For Better & For Ever ™ and started answering the questions about the families in which they grew up. They learned that Marci’s family ate a family meal together most days; Juan’s family were rarely together for a formal meal. Marci’s mom never worked outside the home; Juan’s mother was a nurse who always worked while also being a mom. When Marci and Juan answer the questions of For Better & For Ever ™, they begin to see two things: 1 – Their families are different in many ways. 2 – Both Marci and Juan are used to the way their families are (even when they can admit there some things they would not want to repeat in their own marriage).

These two different families of origin taught Juan and Marci very different family skills. Marci assumes it is very important for her and Juan to make all important decisions together (because that is what she observed in her parents); Juan assumes that making decisions on his own is normal and practical (because that is what he observed in his family).

Juan and Marci’s different families of origin will likely be the most important factor dictating how they will treat one another when they marry.  Each will tend to use the relationship skills they learned growing up in their families! Juan may know in his head that it is important to dialogue with Marci before making important decisions, but in the busyness of life he is likely to not know how to make the time to get together for dialogue with Marci before making decisions.

If this makes sense to you, you can understand why For Better and For Ever ™ focuses on Family of Origin as the starting point, so that couples can begin to learn how they are different and then begin the project of learning how to deal with their differences using effective dialogue skills. That is what the rest of the book is about……..learning to share their differing thoughts and feelings about Money, Sex and Intimacy, Communication Skills, Spirituality, In-laws, Children, etc.

Couples who learn & make use of effective dialogue skills are exactly the couples who SUCCEED AT MARRIAGE!!!  You want to learn to be one of those couples!