1 - “Catechumenate for Marriage”
When Pope Francis and those of us who have been designing marriage preparation programs talk about the need for a "catechumenate for marriage" we are using a non-technical term. The term catechumenate technically refers to the historical reality of the early Church creating a structure of formation and rites for assisting adults to prepare for Baptism and then live their lives as disciples of Jesus. The term "catechumenate for marriage" is being used to address a need that has become urgent in the 21st century, namely, to assist couples who are asking to be married in the Church to learn how to live the reality of Christian Marriage. It is not enough to simply go through the ritual of a Church wedding; it is essential to master the spiritual & psychological skills that enable couples to live this "intimate relationship of life and love....for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, no matter what....all the days of their lives."
Christian Marriage has always been the foundation of the Church. In the 21st century we are witnessing the added challenge of so many people growing up in families led by individuals and couples who have experienced the divorce of their parents or their siblings. When young people are parented by single parents or divorced parents, their Family of Origin may not be able to show them two spouses functioning together in a healthy/holy relationship.
Pope Francis is directing us to develop NEW methods of marriage preparation that can meet couples "where they are at"....and assist them in learning skills that may have been missing in their Family of Origin. For Better & For Ever ® is designed to address this need!
1. It is a parish ministry. Historically, Pre-Cana and Engaged Encounter developed as diocesan or deanery experiences apart from the local parish because there were no marriage preparation programs in parishes prior to WWII. However, the 1983 Code of Canon Law “obliges pastors” to provide Remote, Proximate, and Immediate Preparation for marriage as a normal part of parish ministry.
2. The appropriate content is taught. From the beginning of Pre-Cana until 1998, the content of marriage preparation programs was whatever each priest/parish/diocese decided. To this day no “Catechism for Matrimony” (approved text) has been produced. In 1998 For Better and For Ever ®, Unitas, and Perspectives on Marriage were the first programs to provide content that had received “Imprimatur & Nihil Obstat” for couples to study. For Better and For Ever ® has a Resource Team, most of whom are married couples, who study Sponsor Couple ® feedback and feedback from engaged couples to continually improve the content.
3. The work of the engaged couple. For Better and For Ever ® puts the engaged couple to work learning the skills of lifelong marriage, such as, how deal with each person's unique Family of Origin, how to effectively dialogue with one another, make financial decisions together and pray together. This “homework” is a critical part of the process of learning to live the counter-cultural vocation of Matrimony. Successful marriage is the result of the daily efforts (“homework”) to serve one’s spouse and children.
4. The Sponsor Couple ® parish team is made up of married couples of the parish. They are not experts or perfect couples; they are ordinary couples of the parish who are committed to the lifelong project of living the Vocation of Christian Marriage and are willing to share this reality with engaged couples.
5. The importance of follow-up. “...the initial years of marriage are a vital and sensitive period during which couples become more aware of the challenges and meaning of married life. Consequently, pastoral accompaniment needs to go beyond the actual celebration of the sacrament” (Familiaris Consortio, Part III). Sponsor Couple ® training makes this follow-up a critical priority.
6. Benefit to the parish. It is a serious project to recruit and train married couples of the parish to be sponsor couples. However, the “pay back” to the parish more than makes up for the effort. Sponsor Couple ® feedback consistently reports that they “get more out of the project of sponsoring than the engaged couples” so the parish ends up with a marriage enrichment program that may be the best in history.