7 - A parish plan for Formation for Marriage & Family Life.

Canon Law (Canons 1063 & 1064) speaks about "Remote, Proximate, Immediate marriage preparation & marriage enrichment for married couples".  The document "Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life" from the Dicastery of Laity, Family and Life (2022) has built, on the foundation of Canons 1063 & 1064, Pastoral Guidelines for parishes to provide formation for Marriage and Family Life that begins in childhood. 

I. Remote & Proximate marriage preparation:

1 - PARENTING PROGRAMS: Focus on Intergenerational Family education/formation in which parents and parish teachers/leaders learn to share their own Faith and relationship with Jesus with children, adolescents and young adults.  See www.vibrantfaithathome.org  for ideas.

2 – JUNIOR HIGH AND HIGH SCHOOL Religious Ed Programs & YOUNG ADULT MINISTRY. The leaders of these programs will incorporate material about Relationship Skills and Christian Marriage and how to discern one's VOCATION (to Priesthood, Religious Life, Marriage), in age appropriate ways, in all parish programs.  The archdiocese of Detroit has developed programs and is training teachers to lead these programs.

3 – DATING COUPLES.  Provide these couples with “discernment” tools they can use to make good decisions about whether they are ready to move on to Engagement and Marriage.   For Better & For Ever is an excellent Discernment program.

4 - BULLETIN: Include this information every week. "Marriage: Contact us for the Parish Information Packet about Marriage even before you get engaged!"  The most important change is to remove from the bulletin anything like “contact us 6 (or 9) months before you plan to be married.” If we tell them our parish has materials for them to use before they get engaged, we have a better chance of assisting them with real discernment as Pope Francis is asking us to do.

5 – BULLETIN:

1 - Add a box and put in it KEY WEB SITES, like: http://www.marriagepreparation.com and the web sites of the parish, diocese, US Bishops, etc.. 

2 - Add another box to put in a LIST OF COUPLES PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE.  This list is updated as couples get married.

6 - PULPIT ANNOUNCEMENT regarding Information Night about “Getting Married in the Catholic Church”: Do this periodically.  "I trust we all agree on the importance and value of Christian marriage and family life.   Because we at [Holy Trinity] are committed to helping individuals and couples prepare well for a lasting and satisfactory marriage, we are now offering an Information Night about Getting Married in the Catholic Church.  The next Information Night is (date) at 7PM.  This is for couples, singles and anyone who may want to get information for themselves or people they know.  We will explain our parish’s marriage preparation process, answer questions you may have, and provide materials for couples to use to evaluate their relationship." The Parish Information Packet about Marriage will be available. [i][Don’t worry about how many folks show up…just make sure the parish knows this is happening 2-3 times a year.]

7 – SPECIALIZED PROGRAMS YOU WANT FOLKS TO KNOW ABOUT... workshops/retreats for couples that address topics such as: Discipleship for Young Adults & Adults; Natural Family Planning; Financial Planning; Parenting Skills; Communication Skills.

II. Immediate marriage preparation.

Welcome to couples wanting to celebrate their weddings in our parish.

When a couple contacts the parish ~ in person or by phone ~ seeking to set a date for their marriage or have their civil marriage validated, the parish secretary will record information for the Pastor and assure the person that the Pastor or someone on the church staff will get back to the person as soon as possible.  Why? A request for marriage requires a conversation with someone qualified to make important judgments about the couple's "freedom/readiness for sacramental marriage" before it is appropriate to reserve the church for a wedding.  At the same time, the Pastor can allow parish secretary to check the church calendar to see what dates are available for celebrating a marriage.   This is a practical way to be "user friendly" to couples seeking to marry while maintaining an appropriate pastoral strategy for providing quality marriage preparation.   If the church is already booked for a wedding or some other event, the couple can re-think their date or look for another church for their wedding.  If the church is available, the parish secretary can "pencil in" the wedding for a specific date and explain that: "We will hold this date for you until you can meet with the Pastor or Staff Person and get confirmation that the church can be reserved for your wedding."

The secretary will also ask whether the couple has the Parish Information Packet about Marriage and planning your wedding.  They will need these materials to prepare for a meeting with the Pastor.  Note: This is the Information Packet about Marriage[ii] mentioned in Bulletin and Pulpit announcements.

Meeting with the Pastor.  (Or Associate Pastor/Deacon/Trained Lay Person)

The first contact between the Pastor and the engaged couple is likely to be on the phone.  This gives the Pastor an opportunity to clarify a number of issues (e.g., whether either of them has been married before, their age, their faith tradition, etc.).  If there is a major issue, such as, the need for a declaration of nullity of a previous marriage, the pastor can set up a face to face meeting.

If there are no major issues that need to be addressed, the pastor asks whether they have copies of For Better & For Ever ™ [iii].  If they don't have copies, he explains how to get them at the church office (or  from www.marriagepreparation.com) and he explains the Homework they are to complete before they meet face to face: "Be sure to follow the directions on page 7 of For Better & For Ever ™ , that is, write your answers to all the questions (actually WRITE in the book!), then ~ after you have both done the writing ~ share your answers with one another in dialogue, and then call me to set an appointment for our first meeting."  When they call to set up the meeting with the pastor, it is easy for the pastor to check with them about whether they have completed the homework. ("How did your writing and dialogue with one another go?")

In this face to face meeting, the pastor spends some time getting to know the couple and then goes over the Chapters listed on page 7 of For Better & For Ever ™.  It may become obvious to the pastor that the couple has missed out on important elements of adult Catholic living that "should" have been deal with before this point in their lives.  For example:

•    One or both of them are currently “non-practicing” Catholics or are significantly lacking in what it means to be a disciple of Jesus.

•    One of both of them did not receive the sacrament of Confirmation.

•    One or both of them never learned anything about NFP.

Instead of thinking of the couple as a “problem”, think of this as a unique opportunity to minister to these needs.  Remember, they have come to us, asking to be married in the Church, we can plan to address ALL their needs, one step at a time.  We are not dealing with them in a group with other couples.  We deal with them as an individual couple.

There are great ideas in the writings of Sherry Weddell “Forming Intentional Disciples” and Diana Macalintal & Nick Wagner “Joined by the Church, Sealed by a Blessing.”  You may also find useful:  F.A.C.E.T.  or FACING AHEAD.

Couple participates in Immediate Marriage Preparation Programs. 

When the couples is ready to take part in an Immediate Marriage Preparation Program, if they are making use of the Sponsor Couple ™ program, they will be assigned a couple at this point who will guide them through the remaining chapters of For Better & For Ever ™.  If they are not going through the Sponsor Couple ™ program, they can use the For Better & For Ever ™ “on their own” or select a married couple or spiritual director to share with.

Final Session(s) with Pastor.

The pastor goes over the final chapters of For Better & For Ever ™ (see page 7), completes any paper work that needs to be done, and plans the wedding[iv] (or directs them to a person trained to assist them with this planning).

Rehearsal and Wedding.

Many parishes have a Staff person or volunteer who will over-see and be available to help with the rehearsal and the wedding so that all is done well and in accord with parish policies (for example, the decoration of the church, guidelines for photographers, etc.)

III. Follow up beyond the wedding celebration.

1 – Newly married couples can expect to be contacted by the Sponsor Couple who lead them through Sponsor Couple ™ sessions prior to their wedding.  There are questions in For Better & For Ever ™ designed to help focus on typical “areas of adjustment” in marriage.  Often the newly married couple will not be living in the city of the couple who sponsored them, but sponsors can keep in touch by phone or Skype or Zoom...or Facebook or Christmas cards.

2 – All the married couples of the parish will hear about marriage enrichment opportunities from the pulpit and in the bulletin throughout the year.  Marriage Encounter & Retrouvaille will be especially promoted.