How can we be sure we are dealing with everything our engaged couple SHOULD be taught?

Dear Fr. Rob,

Thank you for creating For Better & For Ever.  We think it is a much better way of doing marriage preparation than what we experienced when we were preparing for marriage. 

As a new sponsor couple, we want to be sure we are functioning as the best sponsor couple we can be.

When our pastor asked us to serve as a sponsor couple, I was caught off guard and could not think of how to say “No” to him, but I have no idea of what I should know and be able to teach to qualify as a credible adult Catholic.

So, we went to the Training for sponsor couples….and I have to say it was a great experience for us.  The experience of doing the Homework got us talking about issues that we avoid trying to talk about…and that was quite wonderful for the two of us.

But, I have this concern.  How can we (especially me) be sure the couples we sponsor are learning everything they need to know about both marriage and Catholic teaching before they take their wedding vows????

Signed: an eager but hesitant new sponsor couple.

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Dear Ones,

Thanks for your great question and honest concern about how best to function as part of a Sponsor Couple ™ ministry team.

You are welcome to call me at 210-557-3660 and we can talk more about this.  Here are my key thoughts:

1 – Everything they need is in For Better & For Ever ™.  I tried to address everything a couple should talk about with one another before they marry in the TEXT & in the open ended questions of For Better & For Ever ™.  As you study each Chapter and answer the questions in doing your homework, see if there is anything that you think is MISSING in the text or in the open ended questions.

2 – There is additional content on the website.  I wanted to keep the chapters as brief as possible, but also provide additional content for those who wanted more information.  Make sure your engaged couple is aware of the additional content on the website.  E.G., Resources for Natural Family Planning.

3 – We are not God or their parents! Sponsor Couple™ ministry assists engaged couples in a process of learning Church teaching and marital communication skills.  It is NOT our responsibility to compel engaged couples to comply with our ideas or even the “teaching of the Church”.  Sponsor Couple ™ training reminds us that engaged couples are designed by God to be free to learn what they choose to learn, when they are ready to learn it.  We learn to share our own experience of learning new truths and dealing with the consequences of our poor choices.  It is not our responsibility to supplant their decisions of conscience with ours!

4 – The unique value of DIALOGUE (see especially Chapter 9 plus much more information and video links on the website).  Dialogue is a proven method of facilitating conversations about anything and everything the engaged couple is willing to risk dealing at this point in their lives.  If there are certain topics they keep secret from one another (and their sponsor couple), they (not their sponsor couple) will have to deal with the consequences of their decisions.  God created us with the ability to make choices that are not in our best interest.  God does not encourage us to make bad choices (even sins)…and God is always available to help us when we come to our senses.  See Luke 15: 11-32.