6 - A "Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults for Matrimony".

By Rob Ruhnke [12-7-2020]

I have been involved in marriage preparation for Catholics since my ordination as a priest in 1966. When I was asked to become the Family Life Director for the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston in 1975 I already had the experience of setting up the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA) in a parish.  I think this influenced my thinking that preparation for Matrimony should be a formation process like the RCIA.  I think these are key elements of an effective “RCIA for Matrimony”:

1.  It is parish based.  Pre-Cana and Engaged Encounter developed as diocesan or deanery experiences apart from the local parish because there were no marriage preparation programs in parishes prior to WWII.  However, we know that preparation for all the Sacraments (including Matrimony) is rightly provided by the local Church (the parish).  Diocesan oversight is important for assuring quality and consistency of parish programs.   

2.  The appropriate content is taught.  From the beginning of Pre-Cana until 1998, the content of marriage preparation programs was whatever each priest/parish/diocese decided.  To this day no “Catechism for Matrimony” (approved text) has been produced.  In 1998 For Better and For Ever ™, Unitas, and Perspectives on Marriage were the first programs to provide content that had received “Imprimatur & Nihil Obstat” for couples to study.  For Better and For Ever ™ has a Resource Team, most of whom are married couples, who study Sponsor Couple ™ feedback and feedback from engaged couples to improve the content.  

3.  The work of the engaged couple.  For Better and For Ever ™ puts the engaged couple to work learning the skills of lifelong marriage, such as, how deal with each person's unique Family of Origin, how to effectively dialogue with one another, make financial decisions together and pray together.  This “homework” is a critical part of the process of learning to live the counter-cultural vocation of Matrimony.  Successful marriage is the result of the daily efforts (“homework”) to serve one’s spouse and children.    

4.  The Sponsor Couple ™ program is made up of married couples of the parish.  They are not perfect couples; they are couples of the local parish who are committed to the lifelong project of living the Vocation of Christian Marriage and are willing to share this reality with engaged couples.    

5.  The importance of follow-up.    “...the initial years of marriage are a vital and sensitive period during which couples become more aware of the challenges and meaning of married life. Consequently, pastoral accompaniment needs to go beyond the actual celebration of the sacrament” (Familiaris Consortio, Part III).  The Sponsor Couple ™ program makes this follow-up a real priority.

6.  Benefit to the parish.  It is a serious project to recruit and train married couples of the parish to be sponsor couples.  However, the “pay back” to the parish more than makes up for the effort.  Sponsor Couple ™ feedback consistently reports that they “get more out of the project of sponsoring than the engaged couples” so the parish ends up with a marriage enrichment program that may be the best in history.