No electronics on the dinner table, please.
[Lydia Pecina is the Family Life Director for the Diocese of Brownsville TX and long time member of the National Association of Catholic Family Life Ministers.]
It is a joy to recall so many special moments around the dinner table with our present family and perhaps from our childhood. Recently I had breakfast with a friend and we were talking about how special it was to share a meal with family and/or friends and how it connected to that past Sundays gospel. Luke 24:35 describes the apostles encounter with Jesus on the road to Emmaus: “The two disciples recounted what had taken place on the way, and how Jesus was made known to them in the breaking of bread.” There is something so very special about sharing a meal especially in a family home. My friend and I shared recollections of the smell of corn or flour tortillas, which our mothers made for our daily sustenance. Living next door to my paternal grandparents, I fondly recall the sound of my Mama Grande Clarita making corn tortillas by hand; the patting of the hands to make them and the smell whiffing through the open windows are treasured memories.
Beyond the memories and the smells and the tastes, the moments we share with one another when we share a meal allows us to share who we are to each other; so in a sense we make known to each other who we are.
I pray for young families of today who often do not have the “luxury” to have family meals around the dinner table daily. Many parents have jobs with different work schedules; children and young people have evening church, school, sport and/or other extracurricular activities that often keep them from having family meals. Having said that, I do believe, however, that it is possible to have at least some and perhaps several family meals around the dinner table and hopefully without electronics. Those 30 minutes or so when families can come together to eat and talk are priceless.
In todays world, most people, even children, learn to schedule their events and church/school responsibilities in order to achieve what they need or want to accomplish. Perhaps in the same way, families can schedule what days and at what time their family meal can take place along with who does what for the evening (who cooks, who sets the table, who leads prayer, who washes dishes, etc.)
Every family has their own spoken and/or unspoken rules about how things are done in their household; that is one of the joys and responsibilities of parents. (Side note: a good resource for families: Family Rules by Dr. Matthew Johnson). In our family, we strive to have dinner together daily as many days as possible. I am a plan- ner by nature and enjoy planning the dinner menus for the week taking into account what everyones schedule is. If I teach an evening course, I depend on the Crock Pot. Our family varies how we pray before meals. Most often, I read a few lines from the gospels while everyone is settling in and we together pray “Bless us O Lord and these thy gifts ...” Other times we have a basket with names of family and friends to pray for; and during Advent and Lent, we use family prayers and resources parishes provide or we find on-line. For almost a year, we lit a candle every day at dinner because our grandson did not want to stop having a candle lit after we had been lighting the Advent candle for weeks. A great resource I like because I like questions (but not everyone in my family does) is The Meal Box (Fun questions and family faith tips to get meal-time conversations cookin’ by Loyola Press). Dinnertime at the Pesinas’ is not always nice and neat but I believe the consistency helps. I often say family life is messy - sacred but messy.
One of our family rules has always been no TV in or near the dining room. With the arrival of electronics, we now have a “No Electronics on the Dinner Table” rule for our family and for guests also. I believe every family has to find what works for them given the uniqueness of their family life cycle, size of family, jobs, etc. I know families that do not allow electronics at the dinner table at home but do allow little ones a tablet when dining out (for the sake of peace or to reduce disruption of others).
We are all pioneers in this area of family life. May we be open to the Holy Spirit to guide us amidst these new electronic frontiers.