History of Marriage Preparation

Marriage Preparation from encyclopedia.com    Online Encyclopedia   

[I have shortened this document to focus on key points……and added my own updates in RED …..also be sure to look at the CONCLUSIONS below]

Marriage preparation programs are offered to adolescents, young adult, and remarrying partners to increase readiness for predictable tasks of married life and reduce their likelihood of distress and divorce.  These programs began with the efforts of clergy to assist those seeking to celebrate their marriage in Christian churches in the 1940s.

During the twentieth century marriage changed, but the tools by which couples maintain stability and satisfaction changed little. Today's companionate marriages depend more on couple commitment and effort than on social roles and sanctions.

Components of Successful Programs

Intensive and extensive. Research indicates that at least twelve hours, and ideally twenty-four to thirty hours, of intensive training with quality curricula and well-trained staff is needed for couples to understand and master basic skills for marital interaction (dialogue skills, conflict resolution, problem solving).  A series of one-on-one meetings with a sponsor couple (Ruhnke) is the most desired and effective skill training for engaged couples. Homework such as additional reading, discussion of issues, or interpersonal skill application, tailored to couple needs and interests, can reinforce and extend learning in workshops. Follow up beyond the wedding throughout the first years of marriage, can reduce post-honeymoon disillusionment and help couples deal with real-life adjustments.

Culturally appropriate. Most marriage education is developed for Western audiences with companionate marriage ideals. However, expectations and interaction in marriage continue to be shaped by traditional ideas as well as diverse expressions of romantic love within ethnic, social, and age groups. Differences in maturity, family background, and personal experience create cultural gaps even within social groups that are best bridged by programs that structure one-on-one meetings with a sponsor couple.

Several research-based books also became bestsellers.

Clinical psychologist John Gottman (1999) most recently summarized his ground-breaking research in Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The book provides quizzes, exercises, and illustrations to support building a positive history, fostering mutual admiration, engaging rather than withdrawing from conflict, accepting a partner's influence, coping with unresolvable conflicts, and creating shared meaning.

Other Factors Influencing Marriage Preparation Success

Educational providers, such as churches and schools, can commit to teaching interpersonal and problem-solving skills to children and teenagers, and to requiring premarital training for couples. Such steps toward reinforcing skills and social support could make a great difference for couples, but they remain largely unused and untested.

Conclusions:

Marriage preparation includes efforts of professionals and lay persons to help partners build skills and awareness for satisfying marriages. Although many couples find happiness and positive interaction without strong parental or professional training, evidence suggests that quality training would enhance interaction and adjustment for most couples. Thus providers and couples benefit from understanding these best practices:

1 – Making use of the For Better & For Ever workbooks.  The For Better & For Ever ® workbooks teach couples how to communicate, problem solve, and resolve conflict and help couples learn about and discuss money, sex, parenting, and other issues of their Family of Origin;

2 – Making use of married couples who meet with one engaged couple at a time.  Programs of twelve to thirty hours with couples who have taken part in Sponsor Couple ® training, and follow-up with newly married couples are best designed to facilitate positive relationship growth and maturity with engaged couples ;

3- Churches are ideal settings for providing early skills training for Jr. Hi. & Sr. Hi. Folks as well as Discernment for dating couples, and then marriage preparation for engaged couples and follow-up with newly married couples. >>> These are insights that information that guided me in designing > For Better & For Ever ®