John Mungham's Key Points

Here is an outline of key points of John Mungham’s video that we hope you will find useful in making plans to use For Better and For Ever in a Group setting.

John affirms that the best use of For Better and For Ever ® is with a sponsor couple who deals with just one couple preparing for marriage at a time.  However, the fact is that some parishes do not have enough trained sponsor couples for all the couples so the next best option is to use For Better and For Ever ® with a group of couples.  John thinks a group setting works best with three kinds of couples:  1 – Couples who are having their civil marriage validated in the Catholic Church. 2 – Couples who have been living together for some years and/or already have children.  3 – Couples who are entering a 2nd marriage (one or both have been married before).  Why?  Because what these couples have in common is that they have experience of marriage or living together that can be brought into the conversations of the group setting.  The plan is to acknowledge and validate their experience ~ rather than deny/de-value what they may have learned ~ and affirm their ability to “build on” their experience to make their marriages even better…even sacred.

Point 1 – SMALL GROUPS.  It is important to keep the groups small enough that the couples can share their personal thoughts and experiences with the whole group.  If the group is too big it becomes too difficult to manage this kind of sharing.  Keep the group to 12 (maximum) couples so they can share their experiences and have conversations with the whole group.

Point 2 – STRUCTURE…….includes:

• Orientation.  This can be on a weekday evening or on a weekend.  Time frame should be 90-120 minutes to allow time for Introductions and the Exercise in Chapter 2.  Most important to do this three to four weeks before the Weekend so they will have plenty of time to do their Homework and any other part of For Better and For Ever ® they choose to work at on their own.
• Weekend.  Friday and Saturday.  This will depend on many factors….especially how far the people might have to drive and what their family responsibilities might be.  Friday – 7:00PM to 9:00PM.  Saturday – 9:00AM to 3:30PM.  [Or maybe just Saturday 9:00AM to 4:00PM]

Point 3 – ORIENTATION.  It is essential to bring the group together for this Orientation so that they can:

• Introductions.  All meet one another.  Each couple is invited to share (Where did you meet?  How long have you been together? Children?  What you are getting married? Etc.)  [Leaders take note of their sharing to help them develop their Topics/Presentations]
• Books. Each person receives a personal copy of For Better and For Ever ®…..focus on Table of Contents to get them thinking about what chapters they want to deal with during the weekend.
• Page 7.  Then go to page 7 to talk about Homework (Lovework!) and Dialogue.  It is not possible for us to deal with all the Chapters during the weekend, so we want to focus on the topics that this group thinks are most important for us to deal with.  This is a critical strategy that affirms them as partners (“peers”) in the learning process. Take a bit of time to identify 1 to 3 topics (Chapters)…..invite them to share their choices with the group. [leaders take note, of course.]
• Key topics: Family of Origin and Dialogue.  Assign Homework: Chapters 2,3,9.  Allow 3 to 4 weeks for the Homework to get ready for the weekend sessions.
• Chapter 2 – Exercise on floor plan of home.  Guide them through this exercise and give time for feedback of what they learned.  They will complete the exercise as Homework.

Point 4 – THE WEEKEND.

• Friday evening.  Name tags and introductions…..this time say one (only one) thing you appreciate about your partner.
• Prayer.  Use candle and Bible.
• Talk about Homework…..what was it like?  Give plenty of time for this.  Like marriage, it is work!  Validate their work.
• Go over Family of Origin and Communication…..adding/affirming their Homework.  [For English speaking group, consider using some of the McKeon Video and assign rest as additional Homework.]
• What else to talk about? (on Friday evening and Saturday)……
  • Family of Origin.
  • Communication.
  • Faith experience & Prayer
  • Relationship as Christian with partner.
  • Parenting
  • Finances

We cannot deal with all the topics; that is why you have your books, to continue working on your own on your marriage.  (If you need assistance you can get back to us and/or the web site at www.marriagepreparation.com)

Remember:

1 – You may be tempted to allow for more than 12 couples in the group, but if you do that you will lose the value of encouraging the participants to share with the whole group (because it will be too large).  Participants will become an “audience” rather than “active learners.” 

2 – Very important to include experience of Prayer during the Orientation and during the Weekend.  A serious goal is to teach them how to pray as a couple.  (A skill they likely do not have!)

3 – Provide lunch on Saturday (so they don’t have to leave the place for lunch…..this will take too much time!).  It may be a good idea to invite them to bring their favorite drinks (non-alcoholic) and snacks to share with others.

4 – End early & Feedback.  NEVER go past the time you said the session would end…and ideally you are able to end as much as 10-15 minutes early.  Folks always appreciate this! Have feedback sheets for them to fill out before the end of the session.  Getting feedback is very very important.